At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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