you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
