i jhust puked up my retainher.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
