I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
