You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
