I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
