hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
