I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize