i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
