I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
