I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
