I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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