what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
