Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
