don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
