when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
