Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
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