So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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