Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
