Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
