we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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