brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
