god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So squirting runs in the family.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
