okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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