billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
