Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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