who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
