Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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