Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
