if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
vagina is talking i cant
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
