went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
