it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
