I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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