You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
