It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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