video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
