Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
