Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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