You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
