Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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