sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
