Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
