HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
