Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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