Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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