I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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