Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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