There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
