why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
