She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
