you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
