Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize