I'm eating all of the evidence.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
