he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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