I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize