i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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