I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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