I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
