hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
