Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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