That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
