she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
