I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
