I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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