if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
the raccoons are back...
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