Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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