I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
