remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
