the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
